I'm saddened: On March 22, 2005 my mom died. I've been sad through the whole thing. There's more to read about the details at Judith Lloyd Famous.
In order to help myself with some of my sadness, I may write about it from time to time, beginning with I'm saddened.
Tonight we went to a symphony concert. The music during the first half was rather uninteresting, so I got to thinking. That's not good. I'm finding that I prefer to do activities where I can't just sit there and think.
My thoughts tonight were maybe I should have spent less time answering the phone and worrying about the details and spent more time just sitting with mom. I don't recall doing a lot of sitting with her when she was sick, but not near the end. The last day I sat with her a lot of the day but it wasn't the same. I do remember the first weekend she was in the hospital when we drove down. I remember going in early one morning to the Bel Air hospital. I got to sit with her in the morning all be myself. We talked about a few things. It was nice. After she went home for the first time, I spent a lot of time downstairs herding people and answering the phone. I don't know.
Funny, I just woke up and started thinking...something I avoid lately..about Judi's last few days. I was so focused on her physical condition and finding any hope that she would be one who would respond to treatment, that I failed to really talk to her. Then I read your blog and thought how true it was. I guess just being with Judi was yet another thing the speed of her illness robbed from us...we didn't have time to focus on Judi because we were so focused on what was happening to her. I don't even remember if I told her I loved her until the end. I hope she heard.
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